Strategy
Thou shall not steal
We believe we can fly, but never kill one
No more dull mental health fight the fucking stigma campaigning
No moaning
We are fueled by coffee and propped up with pills
Outcome
People love us more and treat us well
Men adore us
Women want to be us
More sex
Multi cultural sex - fight racism by making love
Shag a psychiatrist
Roll on the floor next time you see a therapist
Everyone gets a puppy
Oh boy! I’m sweating on the tube today like a mutha ucka. Yes that’s me.
Ridiculous as it may seem, what might appear insignificant to one person can be a huge trigger to me. So here I am, commuting on a packed-out tube, surrounded and enclosed like a sardine in a tin can. Yes, London’s commuting is annoying to anyone but it’s incredibly overwhelming, even ‘terrifying’ to me.
On the tubes I feel delirious because there are so many people. It’s intimidating. I see an army of business people and high class suited and booted chief executives and entrepreneurial extraordinaires with their state of the art technology peering at each other on their way to Canary Wharf.
Such a display of earning power leaves me feeling more inadequate than a wet suit in the Sahara. Next my anxiety in status begins gradually to accelerate as the journey through London’s underground reaches its climax during the pulsating hustle and bustle.
My anxiety during this seemingly ‘normal’ phase of morning rush hour is a stark indication of the insecurities that I harbour deep within myself, particularly when it comes to my goals and aspirations, and how someday I wish to achieve the normal things like being in a good career and earning a respectable income before a certain age.
Looking at others who appear to have achieved all I have yet to do has many times triggered a bodily feeling of pressure and uncomfortable dread and bowel movements at the thought of perhaps not achieving all that I want too.
The result, anxiety looms at the forefront of my mind in effect causing the most irrational of bodily reactions, such as severe sweating (I’m sorry). It’s often mistaken by others as a response to poor hygiene, but it’s worse: it is my fear of what I need to achieve in my life.
*Sigh*
Eminem - Insane (Music Video) (by AthiestU2uber2)
Bad day today. Honestly, my anxiety is a curse!
It feels like a strangle hold over the entire body and mind like a raging animal in the wild that cannot be tamed. The body reacts like a boiler triggered by a switch, depending on what frightens me. And it can trigger the boiler to erupt at any time.
The first stage is a surge of heat that races through the muscles causing a rise in body temperature, like an after effect of excessive cardio at the gym. Next stage is the feeling of wanting the toilet, because the urge seems uncontrollable to resist. Attempting the mind to reason with this outbreak of panic is like a computer going into overload from the effects of a virus in need of a anti-spyware software tool to counteract it.
After all, how we react to everyday life situations varies from person to person, except a person with anxiety feels overwhelmed by such a bodily reactions. So it feels like my body has been taken over by this virus, and little else seems up to the challenge of taming such a raging animal back into its cage.
With that, I bid you good night.
Ciao
Shaky
x
Asylum Of Satan 1972 Trailer (by psychotronictv)
Chain Gang Women 1971 Trailer (by psychotronictv)
I’m the world’s most successful schizophrenic. At least that’s what I tell myself. In reality it’s taken till 4.30pm to leave the house today. I’ve not got round to eating, but have drank as much coffee as possible. Oh and I chain smoke too.
Needless to say by the time I’m out in the open, I already feel like a melting rendition of The Scream with electrocution hairdo. I only make it 5 paces to the corner shop, before realising the outpatient asylum cafe is now shut, and I’ve no where to go.
Ways to know your life is a mess
Eyeballs are on skewers
Inability to leave cesspit
Pounding head and melting brain
Failing miserably to meet responsibilities and not caring
Today is Friday. On Wednesday my old fart friend Bedlam came round. We did the tarot. In effect what she did was take a big ribbon off my eyes..
I have only ever had breakdowns in this small town
I’m only here because my Mom is an alcoholic
I hate it.
So now I am tasked with digging away out of this shit pit and regaining my crown of recognition, as the world’s most successful schizophrenic. Penniless and broke, I don’t know how. But my friends of The Madding Crowd will help me!
